She had no greater Claim to Beauty than what the most desirable Brunette might pretend to. But her Youth and lively Aspect threw out such a Glow of Health and Chearfulness, that on the Stage few Spectators that were not past it could behold her without Desire. It was even a Fashion among the Gay and Young to have a Taste or Tendre for Mrs. Bracegirdle… In all the chief Parts she acted, the Desirable was so predominant, that no Judge could be cold enough to consider from what other particular Excellence she became delightful.

The chief corner-stone suddenly found wanting in the glittering fabric of Mr Titmouse’s fortune, so that, to the eyes of its startled architects, Messrs Quirk, Gammon, and Snap, it seemed momentarily threatening to tumble about their ears, was a certain piece of evidence which, being a matter-of-fact man, I should like to explain to the reader, before we get on any further. In order, however, to do this effectually, I must go back to an earlier period in the history than has been yet called to his attention. I make no doubt, that by the superficial and impatient novel-reader, certain portions of what has gone before, and which could not fail of attracting the attention of long-headed people, as not likely to have been thrown in for nothing, (and therefore requiring to be borne in mind with a view to subsequent explanation), have been entirely overlooked or forgotten. However this may be, I can fancy that the sort of reader whom / have in my eye, as one whose curiosity it is worth some pains to excite, and sustain, has more than once asked himself the following question, viz.—

How did Messrs Quirk, Gammon, and Snap, first come to be acquainted with the precarious tenure by which Mr Aubrey held the Yatton property? —Why, it chanced in this wise.

Do you think me mad enough to beard a lion or try to outwit a Thrasymachus?

And here we must observe that men must either be cajoled or crushed; for they will revenge themselves for slight wrongs, while for grave ones they cannot. The injury therefore that you do to a man should be such that you need not fear his revenge.

The splendors of human pomp and prosperity seemed rapidly vanishing in the distance. In the temporary depression of his spirits, he experienced feelings somewhat akin to those of the heart-sickened exile, whose fond eyes are riveted upon the mosques and minarets of his native city, glittering in the soft sunlight of evening, where are the cherished objects of all his tenderest thoughts and feelings; while his vessel is rapidly bearing him from it, amid the rising wind, the increasing and ominous swell of the waters, the thickening gloom of night— whither?

In the name of all that is manly and generous

You may say it is not so easy to be wicked without ever being found out. Perhaps not; but great things are never easy.

Neither famine nor disaster ever haunt men who do true justice; but light-heartedly they tend the fields which are all their care. The earth bears them victual in plenty, and on the mountains their oaks bear acorns upon the top and bees in the middle, and their sheep’s fleeces are heavy with wool.

We must endow our man with the full complement of injustice; we must allow him to have secured a spotless reputation for virtue while committing the blackest crimes; he must be able to retrieve any mistake, to defend himself with convincing eloquence if his misdeeds are denounced, and, when force is required, to bear down all opposition by his courage and strength and by his command of friends and money.

Sir, no man but a blockhead ever wrote, except for money.

But as a man of sense you must understand that the way to reconquest cannot be easy. Those who wish no change may sit hugging their scruples forever.

The theatre over, they would repair to some cloudy tavern, full of noise and smoke, and the glare of gaslight — redolent of the fragrant fumes of tobacco, gin, and porter, intermingled with the tempting odors of smoking kidneys, mutton-chops, beefsteaks, oysters, stewed cheese, toasted cheese, Welsh rabbits ; where those who are chained to the desk and the counter during the day, revel in the license of the hour, and eat, and drink, and smoke to the highest point either of excitement or stupefaction, and enter into all the slang of the day — of the turf, the ring, the cockpit, the theatres — and shake their sides at comic songs.

…at the upper end on the raised dais was a couch of juniper wood set with gems and pearls, with a canopy like mosquito curtains of red satin-silk looped up with pearls as big as filberts and bigger.

Thereupon sat a lady bright of blee, with brow beaming brilliancy, the dream of philosophy, whose eyes were fraught with Babel’s gramarye and her eyebrows were arched as for archery. Her breath breathed ambergris and perfumery and her lips were sugar to taste and carnelian to see. Her stature was straight as the letter l and her face shamed the noon sun’s radiancy; and she was even as a galaxy, or a dome with golden marquetry, or a bride displayed in choicest finery, or a noble maid of Araby.

Presently the door swung back and both leaves were opened, whereupon he looked to see who had opened it, and behold, it was a lady of tall figure, some five feet high, a model of beauty and loveliness, brilliance and symmetry and perfect grace. Her forehead was flower-white, her cheeks like the anemone ruddy-bright. Her eyes were those of the wild heifer or the gazelle, with eyebrows like the crescent moon which ends Sha’aban and begins Ramazan. Her mouth was the ring of Solomon, her lips coral-red, and her teeth like a line of strung pearls or of camomile petals. Her throat recalled the antelope’s, and her breasts, like two pomegranates of even size, stood at bay as it were. Her body rose and fell in waves below her dress like the rolls of a piece of brocade, and her navel would hold an ounce of benzoin ointment.

She raised her face veil and, showing two black eyes fringed with jetty lashes, whose glances were soft and languishing and whose perfect beauty was ever blandishing, she accosted the porter and said in the suavest tones and choicest language, “Take up thy crate and follow me.”

Mr. Quirk, dressed in black, with knee breeches and silk stockings, immediately bustled up to him, shook him cordially by the hand, and led him up to the assembled guests. “My daughter—Miss Quirk; Mrs. Alderman Addlehead; Mrs. Deputy Diddledaddle; Mrs. Alias, my sister;— Mr. Alderman Addlehead; Mr. Deputy Diddle-daddle; Mr. Bluster; Mr. Slang; Mr. Hug; Mr. Flaw; Mr. Viper; Mr. Ghastly; Mr. Gammon you know.”

“Grilston, January 6th, 18—.

Honored Miss,

“Hoping No Offence Will Be Taken where None is meant, (which am Sure of,) This I send To say Who I Am which, Is the Right And True Owner of Yatton which You Enjoy Amongst You All At This present (Till The Law Give it to Me) Which It quickly Will, and No Mistake, And which It Ought to Have done When I were First born And Before Y^r Respect^e. Family ever Came into it, And All which Y^r hon^d. Brother Have so unlawfully Got Possession Of must Come Back to Them Whose Due It is w^h Is myself as will be Soon prov^d.

And w^h am most truely Sorry Of on your own Acc^t. (Meaning (hon^d. Miss) you Alone) as Sure As Yatton is Intirely Mine So My Heart Is yours and No Longer my Own Ever since I Saw You first as Can Easily prove but w^h doubtless You Have forgot Seeing You Never New, because (as Mr. Gammon, My Solliciter And a Very Great Lawyer, says) Cases Alter Circumstances, what Can I say More Than that I Love you Most Amazing Such As Never Thought Myself Capable of Doing Before and w^h cannot help Ever Since I First saw your most Lovely and Divine and striking Face w^h have Stuck In my Mind Ever Since Day and Night Sleeping and Waking I will Take my Oath Never Of Having Lov’d Any one Else, Though (must Say) have Had a Wonderful Many Offers From Females of The Highest Rank Since my Truely Wonderful Good fortune got Talked About every Where but have Refused Them All for Y^r sake, And Would All the World But you.

When I Saw You on Horseback It was All my Sudden confusion In Seeing you (the Other Gent. was One of my Resp^e Solicitors) w^h Threw Me off in that Ridiculous Way w^h was a Great Mortification And made My brute Of A horse go on so, For I Remembered You and was Wonderful struck with Your Improv’d Appearance (As that Same Gent. can Testify) And you was (Hon^d. Miss) Quite Wrong To Night when You Spoke so Uncommon Angry To Me, seeing If I Had Only Known What Female It Was (meaning yourself which I respect So) out so Late Alone I should Have spoke quite Different So hope You Will think Nothing More Of that Truely Unpleasant Event.

Now (Hon^d. Madam)What I have to say Is if You will Please to Condescend To Yield To My Desire We Can Live Most uncommon Comfortable at Yatton Together w^h Place shall Have Great Pleasure (if you please) in Marrying You From and I may (perhaps) Do Something handsome for y^r. respectable Brother and Family, w^h can Often Come to see us And Live in the Neighborhood, if You Refuse me, Will not say What shall Happen to Those which (am Told) Owe me a Precious Long Figure w^h May (perhaps) Make a Handsome Abatement in, if You And I Hit it.

“Hoping You Will Forget What Have So Much Griev^d. me,
And Write p^t. return of Post,

“Am,

“hon^d. Miss

“Y^r. most Loving & Devoted Servant

”(Till Death)

Tittlebat Titmouse.

“Particular Private.”

For to fear death, my friends, is only to think ourselves wise, without being wise: for it is to think we know what we do not know. For anything that men can tell, death might be the greatest good that can happen to them: but they fear it as if they knew quite well that it was the greatest of all evils.

Pyramids are pyramids in vales.

Kate colored suddenly and violently, and her heart beat; but, sweet soul! she was mistaken—

His appointment book lists no visitors for this darkling hour… nor would he ever expect the incongruous advent of this hulking Norseman whose glaring eyes brim with madness and menace.

Thus, Thorne Shaw’s heart spurts into a percussion of fear.

They say that these shadows of morning fade as the sun brightens into noonday; but they are very dark shadows for all that.

Sufficient for the day is the evil thereof.

You may regard the above document in the light of a deadly and destructive missile, thrown by an unperceived enemy into a peaceful citadel, attracting no particular notice from the innocent unsuspecting inhabitants—amongst whom, nevertheless, it presently explodes, and all is terror, death and ruin.

—here his horse, whose sides were constantly being galled by the spurs of its unconscious rider, began to back a little, then to go on one side, and in Titmouse’s fright, his glass dropped from his eye, and he seized hold of the pummel. Nevertheless, to show the lady how completely he was at his ease all the while, he levelled a great many oaths and curses at the unfortunate eyes and soul of the wayward brute; who, however, not in the least moved by them, but infinitely disliking the spurs of its rider and the twisting round of its mouth by the reins, seemed more and more inclined for mischief, and backed close up to the edge of the ditch.